How to Handle Bossy Behavior (As Seen On 90’s TV)

What 90s TV taught me about Positive Parenting and Ban Bossy #TGIF

You’ve heard about the “Ban Bossy” movement, right? It hit the internet not long ago and quickly became a polarizing force.

Believing confident little girls to be mislabeled as “bossy,” Ban Bossy proponents want to see these girls encouraged to have more self confidence in their leadership skills, like their boy counterparts more often are.

Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, partnered with the Girl Scouts (whoop whoop!) to further their 100+-year-old message of empowering girls to become great women.

But there’s another side to bossy behavior that we need to explore. And that’s teaching children respect — boys and girls alike.


Bossy Behavior or Self-Confidence?

Yes, it’s probably a good idea to examine your motives before calling a little girl (or boy) “bossy,” but sometimes kids just really are. And when they are being bossy, they need to recognize that and learn that it’s not desirable.

For example, I will bet you’ve probably been a witness to that awkward moment when a sassy child tests her boundaries of communication — maybe you’ve even been a victim of it! It goes something like this:

Mother: “It’s time to go now, sweetie.”

Sassy Child: “I heard what you said, mo-THER. Don’t tell me again.”

Mother looks helpless, as if apologizing with her eyes for her daughter’s behavior.

Witness: “Oh dear. Looks like she’s not ready to leave yet.” (Desperately trying to make the awkward moment a little less painful.)

Mother: (almost proudly) “We’ll go when she’s ready. She’s been bossing us around since before she could talk. She’s got a lot of self confidence!”

Wait, WHAT?

When I was a kid, that behavior would have never been okay.  My family watched TGIF when I was growing up… I can guarantee you if that had happened on a TGIF show, there would have been a touching heart-to-heart positive parenting moment about disrespectful behavior before the half hour program was up. So when did we start letting our children cross the line into rude, bossy behavior — and label it confidence?

Let’s take a look at it through the lens of our favorite 90’s TV shows. Grab a slice of pizza and a Clear Pepsi, because we’re about to get all TGIF.


Positive Parenting Doesn’t Excuse Bossy Behavior

The milkman, the paper boy? Evening TV? But seriously. Wouldn’t it be nice if you had a Full House of people to help raise your kids? An Uncle Jesse and Uncle Joey who could come alongside little Stephanie when she’s acting out because she feels ignored? (Poor middle child.)

Our culture is in a weird place. Parent-to-parent judgment has had a crippling effect on the way we raise our children. No longer do I merely wonder if I’m making the right choice for my family. Now I also can feel societal pressure to parent a certain way!

What 90s TV taught me about Positive Parenting and Ban Bossy #TGIF

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What happened to the “It takes a village” mentality? Nowadays parenting can feel so isolating, and that can be quite difficult. So I make excuses for my kids. When I feel like their poor behavior solely reflects on me being a bad parent, I might desperately try to make it look like I know what I’m doing.

But honestly? Kids are constantly testing their boundaries. Kids are going to make mistakes. (Okay, and parents, too.) But positive parenting continually points back to what behavior we expect so our kids learn what will be socially acceptable when they become adults.


1. Take it Step by Step

Parents have lots on their plates. When I’m carrying too much, it feels like:

What 90s TV taught me about Positive Parenting and Ban Bossy #TGIF

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I’ve noticed that my energy meter is often connected to my attitude meter. How do I say this nicely? When I am exhausted, I can accidentally model rudeness to my children. Oops. (You know what I’m talking about, right?)

So Step 1 is to check my attitude and Step 2 is to adjust if necessary. For example, sometimes when I’m tired I excuse myself — just for a few minutes — and try to refocus mentally. What do you do? Please let me know in the comments!

And the best news is that if you mess up one day, you get a “fresh start over, a different hand to play” and you’ll “make it better, the second time around!” (See what I did there?)


2. Not the Mama!

We’ve got to teach kids to have self confidence AND be respectful. It’s not pleasant to be around someone who is rude and attention-seeking (Children OR adults. Ahem.)

What 90s TV taught me about Positive Parenting and Ban Bossy #TGIF

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Self confidence says, “I accept myself and strive to be the Best Me I can be every day.” A Sass Mouth says, ‘I’m not self-assured, so I’ll try to look good by crushing you with my words or actions.’ Remind your child: trying to appear funny or important at the expense of others always costs too much.


3. Family Matters

So, what do you do if your child is the one who keeps acting out? Take a minute to analyze why. Does your child feel pressured to act a certain way? Like when Eddie and Urkel ended up in the slammer because Cousin Clarence was a bad influence. Or maybe they’re mimicking behavior from you or someone else? Like Urkel says, “Did I do that??”

What 90s TV taught me about Positive Parenting and Ban Bossy #TGIF

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Maybe your child is in need of some extra one-on-one time with a parent? Like the TV show name suggests, family matters. A calm, simple conversation can work wonders for a sassy child. “I think confident children are well-loved and well-listened to. I’ve noticed our children display more self confidence when we have more family time,” a wise mother of 4 once told me.


4. Boy (or Girl) Meets World

Parenting. The whole point is to grow our kids into adults who can interact successfully in society.

What 90s TV taught me about Positive Parenting and Ban Bossy #TGIF

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By teaching children what constitutes bossy behavior and helping them find other ways to express themselves appropriately, we actually create better leaders. Good leaders do not boss people around. (Can I get an AMEN?) As my Mom would say, doormats are rectangular — not shaped like people. It is not good leadership to walk all over someone else.

Part of what we work towards here at Smart Kids 101 is encouraging children to learn manners and etiquette. And by that, I simply mean learning to communicate with other people in a way that is respectful and honoring to them as human beings. Manners and etiquette are not really a bunch of stifling rules. At their core, they define a way of living that helps communicate value and respect to other people — and they just make human interactions easier, both now and when they grow up and “meet the world.”

And that’s something I will raise my coffee cup to.

What 90s TV taught me about Positive Parenting and Ban Bossy #TGIF

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So, I DO want to see us Ban Bossy — doing away with disparaging girls when they may show leadership traits like some of their male counterparts do. Cause yeah, that’s not fair.

But I also want to Ban Bossy on another level by teaching kids — boys and girls alike — what true bossiness looks like and how that’s not the best communication method. In doing so, it raises the standard of how kids should behave and teaches them respect for other human beings — something everyone deserves.

Thank goodness for 90’s TV to help me with my positive parenting!

What were your favorite 90’s TV episodes? What lessons from them stuck with you? Talk to me in the comments!

(Linked to Project Inspire{d})


READ NEXT: What to Do When Your Child Listens to Music You Don’t Approve Of

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About Aubrey Hunt
Before hopping on the crazy ride we call motherhood, I studied engineering and taught math and science to middle and high school students. Now, perhaps like you, I fill my days singing The Itsy Bitsy Spider and praying my preschooler will eat a vegetable — any vegetable!

10 thoughts on “How to Handle Bossy Behavior (As Seen On 90’s TV)”

  1. Julie says:

    Wow, what an interesting article. I have never liked the way an assertive girl is immediately thought of as bossy (I was called bossy quite a bit growing up, my brother never was) I’ve always tried to teach my kids that the number 1 rule , if they forget everything else, is to treat others as you want to be treated, sometimes they did good, sometimes not so much!
    My pet hate from kids tv though was the rudeness amongst siblings, on tv it seems ok to be downright obnoxious to your little brothers and sisters. I found that needed to be challenged especially with my daughter, to remind her she is not Lizzy Maguire or Raven and that her younger brothers might annoy her sometimes but she still needs to be polite. – still working on that one sometimes!

    1. Aubrey Hunt says:

      Absolutely. There was a show I wasn’t allowed to watch on TV growing up specifically because she treated her little brother with such contempt. (And I have a little brother, too.) Gotta be careful what’s modeled to kids because boy, do they pick up on everything, right?! Sounds like you did a great job teaching your kids to interact positively, even if the TV shows were working against you!

  2. Julie V. says:

    I’m glad I’m not the only one a bit unsupportive of the ban bossy movement. Confidence is great and leadership skills are wonderful, but bossy also exists and has a bad connotation for a reason.
    I saw a saying I loved about why parents correct kids:
    “I love you too much to allow you to act like that.”

    1. Aubrey Hunt says:

      Oh, I like that saying, too! Thanks for sharing.

  3. Carrie says:

    I miss me some TGIF! The kids and I were watching Full House the other day and they loved it…and I was thinking about how much TV has changed.

    I’ve got a “bossy” little girl and I am definitely trying to channel it into leadership skills. My son was a demanding child, and my MIL always said, “He’s not demanding, he’s a strong leader!” OK that’s fine. But I want my daughter to be treated the same way.

    And really…all I care about is that they grow up to be assertive in a kind way.

    Thanks for linking up at Wordy Wednesday and sharing your thoughts! 🙂

    1. Aubrey Hunt says:

      I couldn’t agree more! Hooray for you raising two little leaders! Kindly and directly standing up for yourself (and others) is a valuable part of being a healthy individual, I think. So glad your kids were enjoying Full House! Where can you watch it these days?? I need my Tanner family fix.

  4. Aubrey….I can’t say that anything, parenting-wise, from these shows has stuck with me. But, I can say that teaching kids to respect…themselves, peers, parents, leaders, and God is huge. Also….a dose of humility is important too. We all suffer from thinking more of ourselves than we ought and it gets us in trouble sometimes. Another related thought….not every kid has the DNA to become a leader….some are followers. Helping kids become the unique people they were created to be is key. And…we’ve got to teach them to become thinkers. Thinking leaders and thinking followers. Kids learning to be wise and respectful….what more could parents or society want? Great post! Thanks for sharing it with us at Project Inspire{d}!

    1. Aubrey Hunt says:

      Thank you, Diane! I agree with you, one of the best things we as parents can do is help a child know and understand who God has made him or her to be and how to develop those characteristics to show kindness and love to others we encounter in life. Telling a child he’s a leader when he’s not is a disservice to him and can cause all kinds of frustration. It’s okay to be a leader in some ways and a follower in other ways — and teaching them to be thinkers is essential in that. Great point!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  5. Kristen says:

    I loved this…what did happen to the village? It. Is. Missed.

    It’s a shame more parents themselves don’t have the confidence to teach their children respect. It’s all about consistency, and I always back up parents who visit my home. I even tell others children when they are in my home we use our words not our hands, and couches and chairs are for their bums not their feet. We even posted the rules. I wish parents would stop judging each other and start helping each other!

    1. Aubrey Hunt says:

      Yes, I think (I hope) that this is the direction we’re moving in. We’ve had enough of the supposed “mommy wars” and are realizing we NEED each other, we need to be on the same side as parents! I love that you’re consistent and helpful when other kids visit your home. I’m sure their parents appreciate it! 🙂

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