Picky Eaters: What to Do When Nothing Else Works

“Yuck. I don’t like this.”

I was surprised by my then-3-year-old Charley’s declaration over dinner. He was once a champion eater, but suddenly he began to refuse the veggies (and other foods) he so readily used to eat. What was up with that? Was he suddenly joining the Picky Eaters Club?

Cheerily, I replied, “Well, that’s what is for dinner, but you don’t have to eat it.”

He called my bluff. He pushed his food around a little but he didn’t eat it, and the next morning he woke up and ate twice as much breakfast as he usually did. Outsmarted by a 3-year-old. (It happens more than I’d care to admit.)

Picky Eaters, Party of One

It went on like this, him refusing to eat his green beans. So it seemed we had to change tactics. The next time he declared he would not eat his green beans because he didn’t like them, I looked at him suspiciously. “Oh? But you have eaten them lots of times before. Maybe you don’t remember? Try a bite and you’ll see how much you like them!”

After a couple minutes of cajoling him into trying a bite, he finally caved in. Mouth full of green beans, his eyes grew wide. I’ve got him now, I thought. He remembers that he likes them. And then — bleh! — he threw up the green bean bite AND a considerable amount of the lasagna he’d eaten. Are all picky eaters like this? I briefly wondered if we were dealing with something bigger than picky eaters.

Advice on Picky Eaters from The Internet

Thinking it was a fluke, we kept going around and around this mountain. And the internet had so many seemingly “helpful” things to suggest for picky eaters. But none of it seemed to work for us.

Keep putting it on their plate until they realize it’s ‘normal’ and begin to eat it. That was the advice, but it never worked… like, not even years later.
Make him eat it all before he leaves the table. That works great in theory, if he wouldn’t barf.
Don’t let him eat anything else until he eats what’s for dinner. We tried this, but reheating a plate of green beans for breakfast hardly seemed fair. I wouldn’t want to eat that for breakfast either. After one or two attempts here, I decided that wasn’t for us.

So I wondered and fretted.

Advice from Daniel Tiger on Picky Eaters

Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood. You’ve heard of it, right? Of course you have! He’s like magic in our house. I can say something a thousand times to no avail, but if Daniel Tiger says it? BAM! It’s gospel.

One day while we were watching the episode about trying new foods, I had the audacity to think for a second that maybe Daniel Tiger was all we needed. He’d been a magic charm for other things like taking turns and using the potty. Perhaps that little Tiger would become my new ally in this, too.

I turned to Charley and said, “See that? You gotta try new food ‘cause it might taste goooood,” singing just like Daniel had. And — I kid you not — my child looked at me and dramatically replied, “But it might taste bad. It might taste terrible!” Outsmarted yet again, and this time betrayed by The Tiger. What the what?!

This Picky Eaters Problem Got Worse

And slowly the list of things he wouldn’t eat grew. Impossibly, he didn’t want any of the vegetables he used to love — as well as some fruits and meats. How is this even possible?! I asked (and sometimes blamed) myself.

I share this story because I bet someone out there can relate. You’ve tried it all to no avail. You hear the lucky parents whose kids eat anything and everything healthy, and you get frustrated all over again.

If that’s you, I am so sorry.

I am right there with you. I wish I could say that there’s something magical and simple you can do to solve this problem. I can’t guarantee that, but I can share with you what has finally started working for Charley, who just turned 6 years old.

What We Did

It began with a small suggestion from Charley’s pediatrician: implement a “No Thank You Bite” policy. The idea is that you keep feeding your child the same foods that the family is eating (no substitutions allowed!), and your child has to take one bite of the food before he or she decides “No, Thank You” and moves on. Eliminating food prejudice, if you will.

It seemed reasonable, but there was still the matter of making sure he didn’t throw it up while trying to swallow that one bite. And to be clear, I don’t think he was trying to be a pain about it. His gag reflex just kicked in every time.

I mean, really, it was straight out of those bug-eating competitions that I can never bear to watch on Survivor. And here I was, suddenly Jeff Probst, trying to convince my 3-year-old that if he could just swallow that one bite, I could guarantee he wouldn’t be voted off the island tonight. (Not that I would do that. Ahem.)

So we worked hard for that one bite. Letting him have an apple juice box meant he could wash down the flavor of the green beans. He learned to take a sip, take a quick bite, and try his hardest not to throw up.

We talked about how it was all in his head, that we wouldn’t feed him anything dangerous for him, that we were eating it, too.

We also made sure there was something mostly healthy that he still liked on his plate so he didn’t miss out on nutrition altogether. Even though he has a fierce sweet tooth, bribing with dessert didn’t work. But continuing to feed him healthy fruits still worked (mostly), so we continued with the fruits while we worked on not being picky eaters with the veggies. (I know that’s not ideal, considering the sugar content in fruits, but we had left “ideal” on the side of the road long ago.)

The Thank You Bite

And we implemented our pediatrician’s advice — with one minor twist. We began calling the mandatory one-bite rule the “Thank You Bite.” Instead of being forced to eat one bite before saying “No, thank you,” we emphasized that taking at least one bite would show gratitude to the person who cooked the food (me!).

It’s Polite Kids for Picky Eaters!

We talked about being glad to have food on the table instead of being picky eaters about flavor and texture preferences. And it sounded so much better than the “Yuck!” that used to accompany his meals.

The Thank You Bite also has benefits outside of our family dinner table. We’re learning that no matter where you go, there may be food you don’t prefer. But that doesn’t mean you should tell the person who cooked it that it’s “gross.” He can be honest and tell us that he doesn’t prefer it, but the Thank You Bite principle means we show gratitude to people both inside and outside our home as well! Super handy at Thanksgiving and Christmas and other meals with people we love.

It’s a Race

Over time, Charley has built up to eating a few bites of green beans at each meal where they’re served. But he still tends to put off eating them until they’re the last thing on his plate and his juice/crutch is gone. Bad deal.

However, he’s got a strong competitive streak — everything is a competition! So I’ve harnessed that to my benefit. We have a “green bean race” to see who can finish theirs first. I let him win sometimes and encourage him that he’s doing great. The competition aspect distracts him just enough from the desire to puke. It’s usually a nice little arrangement.

It’s been a long journey, but I’m so proud of Charley because he’s worked hard for those few bites. There’s still room to grow, but suddenly I’m hopeful that he is learning to make good food choices instead of catering to his tastes all the time.

So that’s our picky eaters journey — so far. Now we have to continue to work on adding different vegetables! Wish me luck.

Do you also have picky eaters? What strategies work (or don’t work) for you? Let me know in the comments below!

About Aubrey Hunt
Before hopping on the crazy ride we call motherhood, I studied engineering and taught math and science to middle and high school students. Now, perhaps like you, I fill my days singing The Itsy Bitsy Spider and praying my preschooler will eat a vegetable — any vegetable!